15 Everyday Habits That Seem Normal but Annoy Other People

A couple greeting unexpected guests

Some habits that many people consider harmless regularly bother the people around them. Examples include playing audio on speakerphone in public, arriving early at a party and glancing at a phone mid-conversation. Everyone recognizes swearing, loud talking in a cinema or picking your nose in a crowded place as rude. These everyday habits are different. The problem is usually not a poor upbringing. Instead, a person tends to see the situation only from their own side. Below are 15 examples, along with simple ways to handle each one more considerately.

Habits around phones and attention

1. Using speakerphone in public

When someone on a bus takes a video call through the speaker, everyone nearby is forced to listen to a stranger’s conversation. The same applies to short videos, voice messages and music played without headphones. Etiquette specialists advise against using external speakers in public places, especially on public transport and in restaurants and shops. Exceptions are reasonable. A person with a visual impairment, for example, may need audio. The polite alternative is simple: use headphones, hold the phone to your ear, or step somewhere the conversation will not disturb anyone.

2. Looking at your phone during a conversation

You might check a notification for just a couple of seconds and keep listening. Even so, the other person may conclude that your phone is more interesting than they are. Psychologists have a term for this: phubbing, the habit of being distracted by a smartphone during face-to-face interaction. A 2021 study published in Computers in Human Behavior found an association between this behavior within couples and lower relationship satisfaction.

One explanation is that the ignored partner feels less important. However, the study does not prove that the smartphone itself causes all of these problems. It is better to put the phone away. If you genuinely need to reply urgently, apologize and say so.

3. Talking on the phone at the checkout

The cashier asks how you will pay and whether you need a bag, while you carry on a phone call. To observers, this looks like disrespect toward the employee. It also slows the line because questions have to be repeated. Talking on the phone while choosing items is fine, but continuing a call while being served is impolite. During payment, end the call or ask the other person to wait. Then answer the cashier and thank them.

Habits as a guest

4. Arriving early at someone’s home

Arriving early may seem like a sign of punctuality. For a home visit, however, coming early can be worse than being slightly late. The hosts may still be cooking, changing, tidying up or simply resting. So it is best not to arrive at a house party before the stated time. Business meetings are the opposite: arriving a little early is usually appropriate. If you get there early, take a walk nearby or message the hosts to ask whether you can come in.

5. Bringing an uninvited companion

Suppose you are invited to a birthday party and decide to bring a partner or a friend, assuming the hosts will be pleased. But they may have planned for a specific number of guests, prepared food and arranged seating accordingly. They may also simply not have wanted to meet new people that evening. This is sometimes described outright as a breach of guest etiquette, although hosts are advised not to put an unexpected guest in an awkward position. Ask in advance whether you can come as a pair, even if your companion usually attends every gathering.

6. Grooming at the dinner table

Using a compact mirror and lipstick, a comb or a toothpick at the table seems normal to many people. In more formal settings, however, it is considered impolite. The table is for eating and conversation, and fellow diners should not have to watch someone tidy themselves up. The recommendation is to do this in the restroom. You should also step out there if you need to blow your nose properly. Tucking back a loose strand of hair is perfectly fine. It all depends on the setting and whether it bothers others.

A young woman filing her nails at a table

Habits in conversation

7. Commenting on other people’s appearance

Remarks such as “You’ve put on weight” or “You look tired” may sound caring, but they are received as criticism. The person probably already knows they slept badly or gained weight. Even praise like “You’ve lost weight, you look much better now” implies they looked worse before. Weight also sometimes changes because of illness or stress. Etiquette specialists advise against evaluating others’ appearance without need, especially weight, age and physical features. If you want to give a compliment, note something the person chose themselves, such as clothing, jewelry or a hairstyle. Even then, keep in mind how well you know them.

A young woman looking another woman up and down

8. Asking about weddings and children

Questions like “When’s the wedding?” and “When are you having kids?” at family gatherings seem harmless to many people. But a couple may have spent years in unsuccessful infertility treatment. Someone may have recently gone through a breakup, and others simply do not want to discuss their private lives. The same goes for salaries, loans and what purchases cost. Close friends and family may talk about money freely, but from a casual acquaintance such questions feel intrusive.

9. Giving advice nobody asked for

A friend complains about being tired, and you immediately suggest they change jobs. But perhaps they only wanted to vent. Psychologists note that people can hear distrust in unsolicited advice, as if they were incapable of working things out themselves. Psychotherapist Sharon Martin writes in a piece for Psych Central that such advice is irritating. She adds that it can look like an attempt to control the other person, even when the adviser sincerely wants to help. It is simpler to ask first whether the person wants advice or just needs to be heard.

10. Interrupting and finishing other people’s sentences

Completing someone else’s story or supplying a word they did not ask for comes across as impatience. It suggests that the speaker is too slow and that your version matters more. This is especially hard on someone who is nervous, searching for words or sharing something personal. People who frequently interrupt colleagues often do not realize how unpleasant it looks. Let the person finish and save your addition for a pause. Offer a word only if the speaker truly cannot manage without it.

Habits in public spaces and transport

11. Boarding before others get off

Anyone who rushes to grab a seat and squeezes through the doors while passengers are still exiting gets in everyone’s way, including their own. It is not just about manners. When people exit first, there is more room inside and boarding is easier, whereas two-way traffic creates a crush. Some transit operators explicitly ask passengers to stand to the side of the doors and let people off first. The same rule applies to elevators.

12. Wearing a backpack in a crowd

A large backpack may be comfortable for its owner, but fellow passengers have to dodge it. On every turn it bumps into people, sometimes hitting their arms or even their faces. In crowded transport, it is better to take the backpack off and either hold it in front of you or set it at your feet. That way it takes up less space and is easier to keep an eye on.

13. Stopping in doorways and aisles

Someone walks out of a shop and immediately stops to check their phone. The people behind then have to brake, go around or bump into them. The most dangerous version is freezing right after stepping off an escalator, because the people behind keep moving and may not have room. A group stopping to chat in the middle of a narrow sidewalk is not doing anything wrong as such, but it is hard to get past them. Before stopping, look around and step aside. Avoid lingering in doorways, on stairs and near escalators unless necessary.

A young man with a crowd of people behind him

14. Skipping the line to “just ask a quick question”

It can seem unnecessary to wait in a long line for one question. But others have quick questions too, and if everyone decides they need only a few seconds, the line stops working. This behavior has even been studied. The 2011 paper Cutting in Line: Social Norms in Queues examined how people try to get ahead by citing urgency, and its examples include the quick-question excuse. There are exceptions: an emergency, a separate information desk, or the agreement of those waiting. If there is no information desk, wait your turn or politely ask the people in line whether they mind.

Habits online

15. Posting other people’s photos without permission

You share photos from a party, but some friends may not have wanted to show where they were, who they were with or how they looked that day. It is especially unpleasant when an unflattering shot is posted, people are tagged in it or a location is added. Etiquette specialists advise asking permission before publishing other people’s photos and videos, and taking particular care with images of children. If someone says no, accept it calmly. Etiquette is not the same as law, though. Legal rules on photography depend on the country and circumstances, while politeness means respecting the person’s wishes.

Why we don’t notice our own rudeness

A person on speakerphone is not thinking that they are disturbing the whole bus. They are thinking that holding the phone to their ear is inconvenient. Simple factors are usually behind this kind of behavior:

• Habit, which makes us stop noticing a repeated action.
• Our own comfort, which feels more pressing than the inconvenience of strangers.
• An environment where everyone behaves the same way.
• Differing family ideas about which topics are acceptable to discuss.

None of this is a reason to judge others. A person may be hard of hearing, have limited mobility, feel anxious or simply not know local customs. It usually comes down to three principles: respect, attention to others and honesty. Specific rules, meanwhile, change over time along with society. Politeness also works both ways. Publicly scolding someone or making a scene over a minor lapse can sometimes be far ruder than the lapse itself.